"I miss Josh. I'm bored. I have no motivation. WHAT IS MY PURPOSE IN LIFE?!"
Nobody wants to read that over and over. But now I find myself in the thick of "alone-ness" and I'm doing ok. Yesterday, I was not. Yesterday found me curled up on my bed all day, eating everything, and eventually crying myself to sleep over not wanting Josh to leave and how lonely I am. But today, I am so much better. Aside from the migraine- I'm still in bed, but at least (many pain-killers later) I have once again found a moment to refocus and stop dwelling on the inevitable.
This past weekend I had the utmost rare Josh sighting. He was actually awake and wanting to go out and do something. His idea of a comfortable change in habitat is books and a movie. Ok, I'm down with that- but then he made it very clear that we would be seeing Harry Potter. Mind you, Brynda had just left, and instead of focusing on the time I had with Josh, I was (once again) dwelling on how short it was going to be. In short, I wasn't very enthusiastic about going to see it. Nevermind that I had never seen past the third movie or read past the fourth book. A few navy-whoevers in front of us made it very clear that I was a empty minded blonde dimwit for never having done so. This did not improve my demeanor. Excuse me that I was far too busy doing homework when the books came out...Josh, however, always seems to pick the most entertaining thing to do, even unbeknownst to me.
Now, after having seen the movie (which was utterly mind blowingly fantastic, full of nonstop action and so enthralling that after drinking a 64 ounce diet, I was willing to hold it until the end) I have delved deep into the Harry Potter series, uncovering my lost childhood in the pages. I forgot how much I enjoyed reading them. In fact, I think I forgot how much I enjoyed reading in the first place. Far too much non fiction, not enough fiction to feed a starving artist's mind.
And if you are my mother reading this, you could probably care less about the Harry Potter series and care far more what my sister and I did for three weeks. Knowing Brynda, she probably said "stuff" and left it at that. So mom, here you can profit from my boredom as I do my best to recall three weeks of laziness (on Brynda's part. Between her and Josh, I have never folded more laundry in my life.)
Perhaps the most important thing we did was pick out the new addition to our rat terrier family. This is Boomer's little sister; we waffled between Annabelle and Waffles. Heh. Introducing Waffles. Collective "awe" everybody.
About a week and a half before we found Waffles, I heard two subjects from Brynda the whole time she was here- "Why don't I have a boyfriend?" and "I want a puppy." If I may, you don't want a boyfriend. You think you do, but you really don't. You need more training in Man-trums young one. You have much to learn.
Anyway, most nights, aside from watching every episode of Teen Mom on MTV, were spent looking for puppies. On an off chance, I thought I'd look up Boomer's breeder and sure enough, new litter. I didn't say anything for a long while. I had to have it approved through the great council known as Mom&Dad. (More efficient than a bureaucracy for sure.) I think my mom took more convincing than my dad. My dad, who's look sends hobos running, is nothing against a furry piddler. My mom is not so easily swayed. I think, though, a puppy is much better company for Brynda than a boyfriend ever could be and a much better listener. Though I can't vouch for Boomer's listening skills unless the conversation includes the words "cheese" "walk" "owl" "hedgehog" "frisbee" or "ball." In general, he's not the kind of comforter I'm used to seeing with females either. "Mom? MOM?! Why you cry?!" *bite* *bite bite bite* I'm used to the more snuggly, lick-your-tears variety. But hey, who am I to complain? He's a guy...
On one of the more memorable days, my cousin Myla took us to the Glass Museum in Tacoma. We had originally set out for the zoo, but after spending a good twenty minutes in the parking lot, we decided on something way different. I'm so glad we didn't go to the zoo. I have never seen such a beautiful art form- well, I say that about almost every art form- but this one was truly amazing. Though for one, it's an art form I don't feel the need to delve into, more just admire. Not only did we get to witness an artist in action, but the galleries were fun and more interactive than many I have ever seen. Two whole rooms were dedicated to taking children's drawing and turning them into glass sculptures. So cute. The museum itself left us so relaxed that we could barely walk upon leaving. We mozied our way down to a popcorn shop, and then headed back to Gig Harbor for some Panera Bread.
I love talking to Myla because the more I talk to her, the more I realize we have in common, and the less scared and defensive I feel about opening up and talking. She is a person of rare sincerity and unmatched enthusiasm in the face of life's trials. I find that really inspiring.
Next on the list is apartment shopping.We checked out a place north of here in quiet community that felt safe and clean. Granted, it is a little expensive and Josh wasn't too thrilled about the price, but we will see where it goes. Brynda also managed to teach Boomer a lifetime of bad habits. Barking obnoxiously, pouncing on boobs to wake people up, begging for food, and promising him walks and playtime that I cannot give him. What a turd. Ever since she left, I've been looking forward to the day I can hand him over to Moxie and let him burn out. He has been so obnoxious.
Aside from that, I made her a dress, we went shopping, we ate pho, and we watched lots of thrillers. And as pathetic as this sounds, that's all I can remember from the past three weeks. They went by far too fast.
On a completely different subject, one which many people don't quite understand, I would like to discuss the departure of a loved one for any given amount of time. I understand that I have been incredibly blessed that Josh will not be gone for extended amounts of time, but I think for anybody who has loved another person, it does not matter the length of time- when someone leaves for the unknown, feelings of fear, sadness and guilt are sure to follow. I know Josh doesn't quite understand why I get upset when I think about him leaving. Sometimes I don't understand it either. Perhaps it's the amount of time with no contact, or maybe just being separated after being together 24/7 for so long. Maybe it's just the fact that I have no idea what to expect, or how he will handle being gone. I think though, it's really fear of the unknown, and seeing how this is his first time away, I'm not sure how I am supposed to handle myself or my emotions.
And, now, off to do art things.
0 comments:
Post a Comment