Fairytales and other odd things.

This is my mom. She is secretly a wizard. How do I know she is a wizard? Well, that's the tricky thing about wizards. You never know. Ok, so I suspect she is a wizard with almost 100% certainty. See, she does this really bizarre job called domestic engineering. It's a 24 hour job, I know because I'm still an apprentice. She got her Phd after Patard came along. How she keeps the house running, clean, the finances in order and still have time to cater to everyone else's sanity is beyond me. Like I said, a wizard.

I spent all day cooking meals in advance so that Josh would not be tempted to eat fast food this week, while cleaning the whole entire house (I even washed the light switches. Go me.) and now I'm exhausted   and the thought of rolling another burrito makes me want to cry. After nearly seven months of marriage, I'm not sure I'll ever ready to go past apprentice. Yeesh.

Speaking of fairytale creatures, with wedding season upon us all, I'd like to introduce everyone to prince charming. Oh yes, the very one. The one man who is perpetually fighting dragons, riding horses, and tirelessly romancing his woman. Wait, I think I see him. Yep, there he is, over there veggie-ing on the couch in his underwear. Sorry ladies, the idea of prince charming is nice and all but the real deal won't blind you with his epic halo of awesomeness. Just doesn't happen. However, I will tell you this. I for one will take the real deal. Let me explain.

Boomer thinks he's a prince... but prince's don't peepee on guests.

Every prince charming will scarf down cheap food, probably not know the difference between flowers and weeds, wake you up to his own version of an alarm clock, mistake the phrase "date night" for "sitting on the couch while the princess watches the epic defeat of the 7th boss of intergalactic tweed raiders," and forget that you aren't as tough as his friends. He'll ask you where his socks are, even though he unknowingly stuffs them under the couch, he'll ask you to rub the knot out of his shoulder, and he'll use all of your expensive shampoo. He'll say things that don't register as hurtful, forget important events that are simply another day to him, and spend money he probably shouldn't. 

But you know what?  Real Prince charming can slay the PMS dragon, he can defeat the giant-butted spider on the ceiling, he will compliment you on your efforts to cook something good, he will bring home flowers when he sees them, he will humor you when you've had little sleep, tell you that you look beautiful first thing in the morning, kiss you goodnight before bed, help you solve your innermost battles,  and surprise you with ice cream when you feel like killing someone. 

You see, you, "princess charming," are a real person too. I think a lot of young brides expect their husbands to be perfect while expecting the husbands to realize we aren't and should be allowed to get away with anything. Prince Charming simply doesn't exists. You can't have anyone who doesn't exist, so the longer you live expecting people to be perfect and serve you, the longer you are going to be alone. The best way to approach the whole idea of a fairytale is to realize it's all an ideal, and it's time we wrote our own. Stories that are real, with all the heartbreak and happiness, love and loss. The perfect story is no story at all, and ignores the whole reality of humanity.