What did you want to be when you grew up? I never knew- I wanted to be a veterinarian for the longest time, until I had multiple animals take chunks out of my butt and hands. Then I wanted to be a primatologist, an egyptologist, an astronomer, a marine biologist, a librarian, a chemical engineer, a nutritionist, a fitness instructor, a member of the peace corps, a historian, and a painter. Then, in college I must have switched my major more than six times. It's not that I couldn't stick with something, it's just that none of these professions really catered to my most deepest need. Sure, they keep me interested and I love to learn, but the prospect of spending my whole day in a lab coat or trying to make an unwilling diabetic lose weight just didn't appeal to me.
And for the longest time, I felt (and sometimes still do) feel like a failure because I chose not to go to a university and study something that only half interested me. Besides, I'd so much rather teach myself or get some one-on-one training. I'm independent in that respect. It's only now that I have realized I am making myself miserable by denying and loathing the one thing I truly love to do- create. My innermost desire to create, my God-given gift of hand craft, is the very thing that makes me feel guilty and hate myself. Why? Because, as an artist, I really feel that no one takes you seriously. But it has come to the point that I cannot deny myself of this any longer. I cannot hate myself because my desire to create does not promise a stable job, a degree, a big house, a new car, or 3.5 children. Yet, it does promise happiness and a consistent challenge.
I don't ever think I will be the person any of my teachers told me I was going to be. I probably won't find the cure for cancer, I most certainly won't run for political office, business gives me the creeps, and anything that society deems remotely successful makes my stomach churn. I'm sorry if I let anyone down, but the life I chose is definitely off the beaten path. I have grown tired of justifying why I am a stay-at-home wife, an artist, and a puppy-mama. I know I am so much more than that, and if you ask me, I feel wildly successful. The only thing I wish to do is to create in peace.
And for the longest time, I felt (and sometimes still do) feel like a failure because I chose not to go to a university and study something that only half interested me. Besides, I'd so much rather teach myself or get some one-on-one training. I'm independent in that respect. It's only now that I have realized I am making myself miserable by denying and loathing the one thing I truly love to do- create. My innermost desire to create, my God-given gift of hand craft, is the very thing that makes me feel guilty and hate myself. Why? Because, as an artist, I really feel that no one takes you seriously. But it has come to the point that I cannot deny myself of this any longer. I cannot hate myself because my desire to create does not promise a stable job, a degree, a big house, a new car, or 3.5 children. Yet, it does promise happiness and a consistent challenge.
I don't ever think I will be the person any of my teachers told me I was going to be. I probably won't find the cure for cancer, I most certainly won't run for political office, business gives me the creeps, and anything that society deems remotely successful makes my stomach churn. I'm sorry if I let anyone down, but the life I chose is definitely off the beaten path. I have grown tired of justifying why I am a stay-at-home wife, an artist, and a puppy-mama. I know I am so much more than that, and if you ask me, I feel wildly successful. The only thing I wish to do is to create in peace.
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