Tuesday, April 5, 2011

One week Paleo!

Fly Death Count: 20+
I hate them. Vermin. But they provide me with countless minutes of entertainment as I chase them around the house with an angry vacuum hose. Don't judge. This house can be very boring when you don't feel well.

I mean, I really don't feel well. As in, sleep sixteen hours and a nap don't feel well. As in, Family Guy reruns are hilarious don't feel well. Yep, I woke up, went back to sleep, woke up again, felt like I ran a freaking 20 miles and dead lifted 500 pounds. Every muscle in my body ached. I attribute this to an extended run on the vegetarian diet where, to be shamefully honest, it was a good day if I had 40 g of protein. Sad. I'm sure there are many lego men working overtime to put my muscle mass back together. Sorry lego men for the mess.
Boomer and I both had this kind of day.

I feel pretty bad for Boomer though, as I couch surfed, he had to entertain himself. This included multiple chewsticks followed by a long, painful farting session. I think Boomer is secretly happy about the wars in the Middle East. He has job security now. Weapons departments from all over will be calling soon to collect concentrated chewstick gas. Luckily, Josh didn't feel like doing anything either so we both just lounged around all day and explored the vast internet, consumed copious amounts of tea and coffee, and ate.
I found this owl. It reminded me of my dad and his Jack Nicholson face.

Because I've been so tired and haven't felt well, I've been grazing all day. As a vegetarian, I could easily disguise myself among a herd of cattle. I don't graze so much anymore since the protein keeps me full, but today I did it out of habit. I graze when I'm sick. I grazed because way back when, I figured food was the only way to cure my achey gut- I just had to find the right food. Right. As you can imagine, I had a few more carbs today than yesterday. It's hard to snack on stew meat. Just the thought of ice cream had me salivating. I made the stupid mistake of mentioning this to Josh, who promptly picked up some Ben and Jerry's. I was determined to be good, so I refused to get some for myself, but let me tell you this, sugar withdrawals could be comparable to crack withdrawals. I've never done crack, but the neuroticism and severe mood swings experienced when one can't get a fix seemed to describe me pretty well. Luckily, even if I had wanted some of Josh's ice cream, I couldn't eat it due to the wheat flour in it (Thank you Jesus!).
The horror.

Immediately upon arriving home, all I heard was, "OMG!!! Babe! OMG!!! You don't understand!!! This is sooooo GOOOOD!!!" repeatedly. -_- To say I wasn't miffed would be a lie. I wanted the ice cream first. So I thought of the most angry, spiteful thing I could do to get back at him and did it. I ate allllll of the carrots in the stew. All of them! Enjoy that stew now! I am so bad. After my act of anger, I dug around the freezer looking for something to satisfy my craving and came upon a bag of frozen fruit I forgot I bought. I squealed a little on the inside and blended the fruit with cocoa powder and stevia. Instant paleo ice cream.
Even though it looked a little like diarrhea and smelled
 interesting, it was way better than Ben and Jerry's. I swear.

Today, my total caloric intake was around 1500 calories, 60g of protein, and 110 g of carbs. I know, I know, probably a little too many carbs, but I seriously need the roughage and I really don't think that veggies will make you fat.

2 eggs
1 apple
1Tbs almond butter
8 oz of stew meat
9 brussel sprouts
A poop load of carrots
Six squares of my delicious bittersweet chocolate
1 C pumpkin puree
3 Tbs half and half
My paleo ice cream

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